翻译一篇谷爱凌的日记

On Ownership 论拥有

I’ve long espoused a High Saturation Life, defined by my theory of Absolute Value Intensity. Allow me to update this framework from my current position in the backseat, on our way up the mountain.

长久以来，我一直笃信一种“高饱和度的人生”，这是由我的“绝对价值强度”理论所指导的。请允许此刻坐在驶向山顶的车后座上的我，重新梳理一下我的这个思想框架。

I will choose a lifetime of intensity over a lifetime of idleness on the principle that all potent experiences are life and living in their most unadulterated form, irrespective of positive/negative value ascription. I mean this less in the literal sense of endorsing a lifetime of torture, but rather an abjuration of a life well lived as defined by the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. I want the lifeblood of every experience — ecstasy, despair, hope, fear, doubt, triumph.

我所选择的，是一生的激荡，而非一生的闲适。因为我相信，所有强烈的体验都是生命最纯粹、最未经稀释的存在，不论我们事后是赋予它正向的评价还是负面的归因。我不是在鼓吹折磨自己，去过一种充满苦难的人生，而是要摒弃以追求愉悦、逃避受伤为目的的生活。我渴望每一种生命经验，不论是狂喜、绝望、希望、恐惧、怀疑，还是胜利。

Now I understand what I truly mean is not a blind pursuit of intensity — “vitality,” in the sacred sense I seek, would be a gross misnomer for hedonism — but rather a life of ownership.

现在我意识到我并不是在盲目地追求强烈的体验，我所追求的那种深刻的神圣的“生命力” —— 请不要曲解它为享乐主义，它其实是一种对于生命的全然拥有。

I do not eschew respite, but aimlessness. I do not spurn stillness, but stagnation. It is ownership I yearn for — if I do not own my failures, in the fullness of heartbreak and the limpidity of devastation, then I have no right to my victories.

我不拒绝暂时停下的脚步，我拒绝的是没有目的地游走。我不鄙夷自发地静止，我厌恶的是灵魂的停滞。我渴望的全然拥有，是若我未曾拥有过失败，未曾拥有过它带给我的心碎和穿透人心的挫败的感受，那可以说我也未曾真正地拥有过胜利。

If I am to suffer, I will do so willingly and with the knowledge and clarity that this is my life to experience in every dimension it can offer me. And when I seek pleasure, I will do so with the intentionality and respect life deserves. So yes, I can slow down. I just choose not to.

如果痛苦是命运要我必然承受的，我也将了然清楚这是专属于我的多维度的生命体验之一。当我寻求欢愉时，我也会以同样的自觉和敬意去拥抱它。所以没错，我可以慢一点，我只是选择不那么做。